Today culminates a rather relaxed week...somewhat like an eye on an impending storm. The weeks ahead will be tough because of the various deadlines. Nevertheless, there is something in the air that makes things feel positive. It is as though a huge weight has been lifted off my back and I am now ready to forge my future. It’s refreshing and yet there’s a tinge of fear because of the uncertainty ahead.
I have not felt this positive for a long time to come but to ride on this wave of optimism has its perils becos I know all too well the pitfalls that lie ahead. Being a realist has its merits for the medium to long term. To put it succinctly, the future is kinda hanging on a thread but the feeling of optimism is strong enough to make one feel as though it will be ok somehow. It’s like having to climb Mount Everest but sensing that somehow the unknown will be kind to you. It’s a stab in the dark but you know deep within that it is right and the path you tread is meant to be.
Listening to Jazz really relaxes the soul...Jazz FM.com makes me reminisce my time in England and suffice to say, it soothes all anxieties and past harrowing experiences. Think I may visit the UK again next year as opposed to going to US which I have originally planned. We will know in good time. I have sat on the fence long enough without having to make any steering decisions. I am lucky to not fall off into a black hole. Having said that, it’s crunch time and decisions have to be made and adhered to. There is only so much time one has on earth.
Friday, September 10, 2010
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Moment of Revelation
All of a sudden, during moments of self-reflection and taking stock of oneself, a eureka moment just pops up and you can’t help but grin to yourself at the revelation. Have finally managed to put my finger on a harrowing past experience into a palatable piece of information. I have perceived the painful journey I went thru as a form of therapy to avert a more painful fate. It is akin to undergoing chemo- or radiotherapy to rid yourself of cancer. Furthermore, I have gotten hard evidence of this “cancer” that I was blessed to be able to “cure” myself of.
It is really similar to the story I once heard in church about a man who accidentally lost his toe in a shooting encounter. He continuously blamed the person who shot his toe off on that fateful hunting trip. One day, he was caught by a cannibalistic tribe while trekking and was about to be offered as a human sacrifice to their deity. He was saved by the bell when one of the cannibals realised he was “incomplete” because of the missing toe. He was thus released and allowed to go free. From that day on, he thanked the person who shot his toe as it had inadvertently saved his life.
What I had gone thru is pretty much the same in essence. They say God only gives you what you can handle, never something you can’t because He knows you better than you know yourself. I am beginning to see the truth in this statement and am willing to bear testimony to it should I be called to. I feel as though I have been redeemed from wretchedness.....I now have the more painstaking task of redeeming myself and set things right. I wanna hit the goals I set myself in 5 years from 2011. I pray that fate will be with me in my endeavours.
It is really similar to the story I once heard in church about a man who accidentally lost his toe in a shooting encounter. He continuously blamed the person who shot his toe off on that fateful hunting trip. One day, he was caught by a cannibalistic tribe while trekking and was about to be offered as a human sacrifice to their deity. He was saved by the bell when one of the cannibals realised he was “incomplete” because of the missing toe. He was thus released and allowed to go free. From that day on, he thanked the person who shot his toe as it had inadvertently saved his life.
What I had gone thru is pretty much the same in essence. They say God only gives you what you can handle, never something you can’t because He knows you better than you know yourself. I am beginning to see the truth in this statement and am willing to bear testimony to it should I be called to. I feel as though I have been redeemed from wretchedness.....I now have the more painstaking task of redeeming myself and set things right. I wanna hit the goals I set myself in 5 years from 2011. I pray that fate will be with me in my endeavours.
Monday, September 6, 2010
Feeling a little exhausted...
It has been a long time since I uploaded an entry...time flies and we are already in Sep. There are some persistent issues that still swirl my mind. I am at a loss of how to resolve them other than to let them be and hopefully time will allow a clearer perception of the horizon. I have realised that there are many things contingent on me making it and giving back to those who have invested good faith in me.
Sometimes when the going is tough, I feel like giving up and I think of these contingencies...I have to go on even if it means striving to my last breath. Lincoln stayed the course and united the nation only to have his life cut short at the end of the Civil War. I have to emulate that example for me to have any dreams of redemption.
I pray fate will be with me on this final leg of the quest.
Sometimes when the going is tough, I feel like giving up and I think of these contingencies...I have to go on even if it means striving to my last breath. Lincoln stayed the course and united the nation only to have his life cut short at the end of the Civil War. I have to emulate that example for me to have any dreams of redemption.
I pray fate will be with me on this final leg of the quest.
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